SO I GOT INTO UNIVERSITY. It has been such a life-changing experience for me. Like, for real. Part of it was my willingness to completely change myself into a whole different person. Well, it has pros and drawbacks, as usual. That doesn't matter, though. Okay, moving on. I got so busy enjoying my life for two semesters (now I have just finished my fifth semester), that I forgot to write for this blog. I joined a music club and performed a couple of times. Then I joined a teaching program in Citayam, West Java, Indonesia, one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I met a lot of new people, experience a lot of new things to learn, discovering more about myself. After that I watched a lot of theatre performance, enjoying within-campus competition, games, fairs. FUN.
Then problems started to appear in my third semester. Academics got more difficult and demanding, the organisation that I was a part of got busier and busier, my social life got problematic. I got into a relationship, which was on and off in some ways. I got extremely exhausted. I slowly drifted back to the old me. The me who was reserved, silent, crybaby, sensitive, moody, depressed all the time. I bet my college mates could sense that horrible dark aura surrounding me, again. I got so depressed especially in my fourth and fifth semester in university. My grades went down a little bit and it was depressing. I didn't get to perform as often as I used to when I was in my first year. I didn't get to experience a lot of fun experience anymore because of this and that. I got so guilty for affecting the people around me, especially my family, friends, and boyfriend. I got so guilty for spreading this negative side of me to their lives. I got so sorry for being my old self. I hated my old self, that's why I changed myself in uni in the first place. I didn't know why I changed back to the old me... I think it's partially my form of self-defence. Defending myself from the things that didn't go according to my plans. Defending myself from the failures, rejections, hatred. I think those were the sole reason. I got suicidal this summer. Thankfully I have my family, friends, and boyfriend who got my back and supported me wholeheartedly. I was at my worst this year. If it wasn't for the people around me, I don't know what unimaginable things I might have done😟. So I sincerely thank the people who supported me all this time, and I apologise for troubling all of them this whole time.
SO, SHOULD I GIVE UP, OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP CHASING PAVEMENTS?
Of course the old me wanted to give up. So badly. However, my new self wanted some change. My new self wanted an improvement in my life. The new me wanted to kill my old self. SO BADLY. So here goes my once in a lifetime change. GUESS WHAT?
Yes, peeps. I'm going to South Korea for ten months in 2018, which is next year!!!
HOW??
So I am currently studying Korean Language and Culture in University of Indonesia (UI). My major offers a two-semester exchange program in Yonsei University every year for one selected student.
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| University of Indonesia Logo |
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| Yonsei University Logo |
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| Yonsei University |
The tuition and dormitory fees are waived by Yonsei University. NOT ONLY THAT, the selected student will receive flight tickets to and from Korea as well as a 10-month stipend from Korindo Foundation. TEMPTING RIGHT? The requirement (until now) is only TOEFL score. The higher the score, the better the chances of being selected, even though it was not the only measurement for selection. For those of you who are interested, the opportunity is out there to grab! So best of luck😃.
Long story short, I got selected as a nominee. Therefore I submitted all other required documents such as copy of passport, recent photo of me, study plan, motivational letter, CV, report cards, health certificate, etc. and the international office at UI will mail them to Yonsei University and I had to wait for the acceptance result announcement. Thankfully I got accepted to study at Yonsei University as an exchange student for ten months😄. Now I am busy preparing for the stay there (visa, luggage, insurance, phone (my current one is broken), dorm, etc.) yay! Personally, I think of it as a very great blessing and opportunity for me to reevaluate myself and my view of things. Also to refresh my soul from the stresses I received lately. That's also one of the reasons I hung on this past month, no matter how depressing this month is.
Speaking of this Depressing December, why exactly did I label this month "depressing"? To begin with, December marks all the FINAL EXAMS AND PAPERS and that equals hell month. Right when I have all my papers due, MY LAPTOP CRASHED. The hard disk got damaged pretty badly and I had to replace it with the new one and that cost me for about $75, cheap for some people but for me during that time it was a lot of cash (my mom won't help me because I broke the laptop in my first semester and she paid for the reparation already and said if it goes broken again she won't help so I didn't have the guts to even tell her that my laptop crashed again this month), so much so that I need to borrow 20% of the cash from my sister. Yes, I was THAT broke😡. To top it off, my eyes got infected SO BADLY I was forbidden to wear any form of contact lenses anymore😡, AND my vision was worsen so I need to buy a new pair of glasses and that cost me another $70.
Not only cash, emotional problems also arose this month. Starting from having a fight with my friends (thankfully we sorted it out), constant arguments with my boyfriend leading to a break up (thankfully we're still together), arguments with my family (i don't know if it has an ending at all), disagreements with one of my subject lecturers that made me lose more confidence in doing presentations (thankfully i will not be meeting this lecturer again in the near future), arguments with myself (particularly about self-love and gaining confidence and acceptance of things I could not control in life, such as my KPOP BIAS SHINee KIM JONGHYUN's death on December 18th 2017😭), and all other forms of emotionally draining problems. That's why 2017 December is pretty depressing for me. I hope next year will be a brighter, happier, more exciting year especially for me and the people around me😊.
SO, BACK TO THE NOT DEPRESSING PART OF THE BLOG...
I had forgotten the password to this blog, in my third semester, I guess, so I couldn't really write anything anyways. BUT!!!! Today, I successfully logged in to this blog!!! And yeah I practically hide my embarrassing posts from my junior and senior high school years... AND decided to write again, something new and fresh, in this blog!! I will mostly be posting about my experience during the exchange program, also about anything that catches my attention at the moment, and also about my hobbies (I will start posting my poems --both in Indonesian and in English, and I'll try to write poems in Korean later when I became fluent ehehe-- and sketches up here, and if possible I might upload some of my song covers over here, too!). So I hope this will be a good start for me to begin life again with the new me (personality wise), to improve my well-being😊, as well as for you as the reader to hopefully be able to learn some lessons and tips regarding the exchange program or if you are just curious as to what it's like to study and live in South Korea for quite a few months.
I hope you will find this newly revamped blog more useful and entertaining. Thank you for reading💕.
Sincerely,
Zarra.
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